Revisiting old dramas

It turned out to be a tough weekend, which was definitely not the plan. In light of the dramas that happened yesterday at home I thought I'd revisit an old post.

Self-inspection.

It should have been a great weekend. It was my partners birthday yesterday and all I had to do was make sure the day went well. I thought that a family lunch would be nice, except that I ignored all the warning signs and some very unsubtle hints in the last week that some family members were just not welcome. That led to fireworks - lots of fireworks.

It's my fault - like I said, I ignored the warnings. But that's just me, really, plan something and hope for the best. I thought a birthday should be a family occasion.

So I came across a post I did here over a year ago on self-inspection. It's still pretty accurate - my character traits really haven't changed. I still have communication issues, and lots of them. That just made things worse yesterday as I really didn't know how to handle things after it all went wrong. I couldn't say exactly what I meant, and still can't. My partner is quite fiery so I always come off second best in an argument.

I guess the two traits that stand out right now in that list are: second guessing and self-sabotage. I'm always second guessing myself and always have doubts about what's the best thing to do. Right now I'm trying not to second guess myself about this relationship. I want it to work, I really do, but I still seem to be constantly screwing it up. Self sabotage in spades. Sometimes I'm just o blind that I walk into things without really understanding the consequences and so I screw them up unwittingly.

And that's what I did this weekend. I managed to turn the focus from a happy birthday onto problem relationships. Not good, not good, not good. And I don't know how to recover from here.

Anyway, I've got to go home tonight and talk to my partner and try and work things out. That will involve talking, but I've got no idea what to say.